shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
