I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
