Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
