i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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