Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
