if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
