I wish my penis had an off switch
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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