You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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