My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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