im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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