you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
