she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
