if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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