Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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