random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
