It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
