its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
