I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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