Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
