i don't like sucking hair
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I could make wine with my vomit
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
