The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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