Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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