Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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