I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
