she was so not down for the gang bang
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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