are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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