he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
