Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
