Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
