I got chris browned last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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