A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
