"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
