We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
