Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
