i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I deserve this hangover.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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