I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
