"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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