Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
