Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
