just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
