I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
