I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
