i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love you. Go after that dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
