when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
