It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
