i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
