Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
