Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
