so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
