So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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